Today I am 40

Today I turned 40.  It’s just another day really, but there is something meaningful about a milestone like this.  It certainly pushes me to reflect upon my life, and what’s happened in the last 40 years and what I want for the next 40 years.  And I hope I’ll have the pleasure of another 40 years. 

Turning 40 is really just another day in 14,600+ days I’ve been alive on this earth.  But it’s also the day I am the wisest.  Wisdom comes with age, so today I must have more wisdom than any other day.  Even though it’s just another day I have been treating 40 the same way I treat a day when I am leaving town for a big trip or when a new year is starting.  Though it’s an arbitrary date, it’s a date that puts a bit of pressure and expectations on me to do things a certain way, to finish things, to have things all organized and tied up with a bow on them, to have things put in their right place, just in case something happens tomorrow.  In a way it’s a silly thought, as today is no different than another day.  But I still act like it’s the end of something, or the beginning of something, or a day I need to be ready for.  Earlier this year I kept thinking I wanted to make a list of some final goals I wanted to reach before I turned 40, just to take advantage of the momentum a milestone date can give me.  And then a global pandemic hit and I started working from home with 3 kids at home with me, and I decided to just try to make it through the days with my sanity intact.  I lowered my expectations. 

Though I didn’t get my last-minute goals completed before turning 40, I do want to take this day to reflect on some things.  I want to be able to come back and reflect upon this list down the road, and perhaps add to it over time.

Reflections to myself as I turn 40:

I am grateful.  I’ve definitely experienced some loss and harder times in my life, but the majority of my life has been pretty great.  I’ve worked hard and sought after the things I have in life, but I was born into a world where I was able to do that fairly easily and with little resistance.  I am incredibly aware of the privilege I born into.  Privilege means different things to different people.  When I was growing up I never would have described my life as privileged, as I looked around at others and constantly saw they had more than me.  But as I’ve grown older, I now know what privilege truly is and I look around at others and am incredibly grateful for what I have. 

Expect less.  That sounds depressing in a way but let me explain.  I sometimes expect perfection from myself and others, and then I get disappointed when perfection doesn’t happen.  And 83% of the time perfection doesn’t happen.  I can either keep getting disappointed, or I can be more realistic and expect less from myself and others.  I think I can get done 57 to-dos from my to-do list in one day.  I think mistakes shouldn’t happen, but they do.  I think the world should be fair, but it’s not.  I think hard work should always pay off, but it doesn’t always.  These thoughts aren’t realistic, so I am going to start expecting less and then feeling better at the end of the day. 

Set more boundaries.  I love helping people.  I love fixing problems.  I love fixing people’s problems.  I am good at it.  I am a solution-oriented person.  I see a problem and I want to fix it.  This is the case at work, with friends, at my kid’s school, to random strangers in public, really anywhere.  I need to set more boundaries and say no more often.  I need to quit volunteering for everything.  It’s created an abundance of duties in my life that expands beyond the time I have, and beyond the style of life I want to live.  I want a slower and simpler life, and to get this I need to create and keep more boundaries. 

Finish things.  I want to start fewer things and finish more things.  I have so many ideas and intents and they often run over what I actually have time for.  I overwhelm myself with these thoughts and ideas and intentions, and it comes from a good place.  But it’s too much.  And I often have ideas and don’t get a chance to see them through.  I want to be more selective, set more boundaries, and finish the more selective things that I choose to start. 

Quit sweating the small stuff.  I sweat the small stuff.  I know it. I know I shouldn’t, but my perfectionist and control tendences create a sweaty environment for little things!  I can’t control everything, nor do I need to or nor do I really want to.  I want to just be more laid back and go with the flow of whatever is happening around me.  And there are times I can do this.  A beer helps put those times into effect.  Meditation helps too.  I am getting better, but still have more of a way to go!

Keep learning.  I’ve learned so much in the last 40 years, yet I still have so much more to learn.  I know I don’t know it all.  I know there are endless areas and subjects where I can learn more.  And the good news is I love learning new things.  I love to read, in a way that I didn’t really as a child.  A good fiction or non-fiction book and some quiet time to read it is one of my favorite things to do.  I want to commit to spending time continuing to grow and learn.  My kids actually help me do this, as I feel like I am constantly learning new things with them. The other day one of my kids was doing a school assignment and said, “did you know that all plants have mouths?”  No, I did not know that all plants have mouths.  Now I do! 

Less is more.  One of the biggest epiphanies I’ve had over the last 10 years is around the idea that less is more.  Simplicity is what I seek.  This goes for how I spend my money to what physical objects I have in my life.  I want fewer things.  I don’t want more things.  I want to appreciate the simple things in life, not get bogged down by the complicated things. 

In the spirit of setting boundaries, these are my current thoughts as I am turning 40.  I could write down a hundred different lessons learned, or goals, or intentions.  But I want to keep this simple.  Like I just said, less is more.

Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links, meaning at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.