An old couch and Stoicism

Today I want to write about an old couch and Stoicism.  Yes, you may think, “how could these two things possibly be related?”  That’s an excellent question.  Don’t worry; I have an answer for you. 

What is Stoicism?  Stoicism is a philosophy of personal ethics, and it has so many layers and elements that I can’t possibly break them all down here.  Do you like how I just asked a question and then didn’t answer it?  I did want to explain Stoicism, but as I started to try, I realized it wasn’t going to happen too well.  If you want to read more about Stoicism, dailystoic.com has some great content, and this article explains Stoicism.  The four virtues of Stoicism are courage, temperance, justice, and wisdom. The idea of temperance, or moderation, is the virtue I want to focus on today.  Temperance is the practice of not doing things in excess or showing self-restraint.  I try to practice temperance throughout my life.  Temperance and a general belief or desire for minimalism are very related, if not the same thing.  If you walked through my house, you might not think I am a minimalist.  I do strive for, and value, having fewer things.  I want quality over quantity.  I don’t want to waste my money on physical objects that I know won’t bring me happiness.  I instead want to save my money for travel, experiences, and financial independence. 

Temperance, or moderation, is where this old couch comes in.  I have a reasonably old couch in my main living room.  This couch was a big deal when I bought it from Rooms to Go back in the day.  It was a big purchase for me.  It came with a matching chair and ottoman.  The chair is still steadfastly by the couch’s side, but the ottoman we replaced a few years ago.  I purchased this couch in 2008, so she’s about 12 years old.  That may not seem that old to some people, but I think that’s relatively old compared to the average couch out there.  Almost every person I know has a nicer, newer, fancier couch sitting in their living room.  And we can easily afford a new couch.  A new couch would make the inside of our house instantly look nicer and more modern. 

Why do we still own this old couch?  I have purposefully kept this couch and resisted upgrading our couch for several reasons.  Yes, sometimes I covet a new couch, but it’s only every now and then.  I appreciate this old couch most of the time, and I know why I am hanging onto it.  Here’s why:

• It is functional. The couch still works.  It is comfortable, familiar, and it serves the purpose of giving our family somewhere to sit.
• It is stress-free. I don’t stress about what my husband or three kids do to this couch.  And yes, this is meant to imply I would never do anything to disrupt the couch as I am so neat and tidy!  This couch is already dirty, so I’m less precious about the kids being kids on it.  My kids aren’t even allowed to eat on the couch, for a multitude of reasons, unless it’s a special occasion or it’s been a long week, and my defenses are down.  I do allow my husband to eat on the couch, though that decision has caused many stains over the years.  My point is I don’t get super upset when someone spills something or drops their marker on it, which seems to happen once a week.  I clean it up, and I take care of the couch as best I can, but I quickly move on.  It’s like owning an older car; you’re just way less worried about anything happening to it. 
• It saves me money. A new couch will cost me somewhere between $1,000 and $3,000 as best I can estimate.  This couch, chair, and ottoman set cost me under $1,000 over ten years ago, so it’s sort of exciting to know that it has cost me less than $100 a year to own this couch.  And for every extra year I keep it, that cost per year gets even better!  Other families may have gone through 2-3 couches in this time, and I’ve instead saved that money. 
• It symbolizes my values. I find it to be an exercise in Stoic principles to hang onto it.  I know I can afford a new couch anytime.  But I also know a new couch isn’t going to bring me happiness, solve any of the current stresses I have in life, give me more time with my kids, or anything else I want more of out of life.  A new couch won’t solve my problems.  I like the idea of moderation and even suffering a bit on my journey to moderation.  And I use the term suffering loosely here.  There’s no real suffering related to my couch, as there are real problems in this world.  But there are constant feelings of wanting a new couch and desires for a new couch, and I have to suffer through those and get to the other side and remember what’s important to me.  My kids sometimes make comments about this couch and just how old it is versus different couches, but it gives me pleasure to use it as a lesson to explain how there’s nothing technically wrong with the couch, so why would we replace it? 

This couch’s overall look has been getting progressively worse in the last year.  Perhaps it’s 2020.  A lot of things are struggling in 2020, and my couch isn’t immune.  It’s got more stains on it.  It looks very worn.  The kids keep commenting on it.  It once had some stain protection on it, which now seems completely worn off as the stains now stay.  I keep thinking about how nice a new couch would look in our living room.  It would really class the place up!  But on the flip side, having a new couch would just stress me out at this point in my life.

Eventually, I will buy a newer, more modern couch that matches my current style from this decade.  The process of finding and purchasing a new couch is going to stress me out while it’s happening.  It already has when I’ve briefly thought about where to begin with it all – Should I buy used?  Should I try to find a deal?  Should I just splurge and get what I want?  What do I want?  What stores should I consider?  Should I look online?  What size and style would work best?  What color?  When I finally buy a new couch, I will worry about it a lot for a while.  I will watch my husband like a hawk while he’s eating chips and salsa on it – How long until he spills the salsa on the couch?  It’s likely a matter of days, not weeks or months.  Note to self: Spring for the stain protectant as we will need it.  Another note to self:  I love my husband so much, and it’s okay that he spills things a lot.  Another note to self:  I love my kids.  All kids are messy. 

For now, I will continue to keep this old couch as a sign of my values and my moderation.  And today, I will give the couch a thorough vacuuming as that always makes it feel not quite as old.  I’ll put the special attachment on my vacuum cleaner for upholstery, and I’ll give her a little new pep in her step.  I’ll remember how nice it feels to practice moderation and minimalism and to save money for more important things in the future.

Thank you, couch, for helping me practice my stoic principles and adding to my mostly minimal life.  No, I’m not really talking to a couch.  Yes, I know the couch can’t hear me. 

Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links, meaning at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.