The more I have, the less I want

There’s this interesting paradox I’ve slowly come to realize: the more I have, the less I want.  I’ve observed this more and more as I’ve gotten older, and it’s one of many things I wish I’d learned and appreciated when I was younger.  Realizing this is a part of growing up, maturing, learning, and evolving as a human being.  That said, some people never realize this or believe it.  Some people get more and keep wanting more.  Some people never get more and keep obsessing about that and seeking more. 

When I was younger and had less, I wanted so much more.  I wanted more money.  I saw my friend’s families with bigger houses, nicer cars, and taking fancy vacations, and I thought I wanted that.  Well, I do like fancy vacations.  I wanted more esteem and status.  I wanted to get a promotion at work.  I wanted more physical stuff.  I wanted a bigger house.  I wanted to remodel my kitchen.

As I have gotten older and now have more money, all I want is less.  I want less stuff.  I want less status.  I want fewer commitments.  I want fewer people to need things from me.  I want a smaller home.  I want less in just about every category of my life.  And I’m truly happy with less. 

If I had learned and appreciated this earlier in life, I would have acquired less and saved even more money faster (and achieved financial freedom faster).  I sometimes reflect on the things I spent money on in my 20s and instead invested that money.  There’s not much value in overthinking those lessons learned and regrets, so I only share this point to espouse some wisdom to others who may not be there yet.  I’ve had a privileged life, and I’m quite thankful.  I often reflect on the last two decades of “adulthood” and am intrigued by this realization that as I get more, all I want is less.  It’s one of the beautiful things about achieving financial freedom.  I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t stress about money, and all I think about now is how I can simplify my life. I think about how to get less.  I obsess and daydream about having less stuff.  I don’t dream of a big house; that stresses me out.  I don’t dream of owning a boat; that thought of the maintenance and commitment feels like a lot of work.  I instead dream of living in a tiny house and having all my possessions fit into 200 square feet.   That’s my new dream. 

All that said, this realization gives me a moment to pause and reflect. 

These are the things I would tell my 22-year old self:

• Travel more. These memories you’ll have forever and never regret.  I took my first international trip when I was 27, but I had the means to do it earlier; it just wasn’t something I prioritized.  I purchased my first home and a brand new car before traveling outside the US, which now feels out of order to me.  I will encourage my kids to travel before they commit to big expensive things. 
• Buy less stuff. The stuff will not create any meaningful or long-term happiness and will instead follow you around and take up your time and energy as you organize and reorganize it over the years.  The stuff will follow you around for decades.  The lighter you are, the happier you are, and I am not referring to physical weight, instead the weight of stuff. 
• Focus on experiences over stuff. In addition to travel, experiences will often beat out a physical object. So take time to discover and explore the experiences in your backyard and beyond.
• Spend more time with your friends and family. Be generous with them financially and prioritize this over owning more things or fancy things.
• Quality over quantity. If you need some physical object and want to buy it, focus on quality, even if it’s more expensive.  Be incredibly thoughtful about what’s worth investing in high-quality versus what you don’t need for too long that you can spend less on. 
• Be more present. Put your blackberry or phone down, and focus on what’s in front of you.  Yes, I had a blackberry when I was 22.  Be present and engaged in everything you do.  
• Don’t be in such a hurry. I was in such a hurry to buy a house, start my life, and push my career forward that I lost sight of many other things that mattered to me.  I got caught up in the grind and hustle of life, and ironically I forgot to live my life to the fullest and focus on the things that matter long-term.  I mean, I have had a great life and lived a lot, but looking back, I didn’t live as much as I’d want my daughters to live. 
• Let loose and have fun. Though I consider myself someone with a good sense of humor, I can also be very focused and uptight at times.  I can be too serious when I am focused on my goals.  I sometimes need to be less serious and more fun.  My kids are good at reminding me of this 

Perhaps you can share this with a 20-something you know, or even a 30, 40, or 50-something who would benefit from reading it.  I believe much can be learned from the experiences and learnings of others, though often many things also have to be learned first-hand. 

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Written while listening to Can’t buy me love by The Beatles

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